When The Faith Hits The Fan
Sometimes I hate being a Christian.
Case in point – last week an elderly lady of my acquaintance phoned asking for help with a minor chore, a chore which should take me about three or four hours to do.
Instead of telling her to go to Hell, I agreed to help the dear old soul.
It turned out that the simple chore consumed three whole days of my life and mind because she kept changing the perimeters of the chore so that it became more and more difficult for me to help her. She just made the thing harder and harder for me to do.
Could it be that she treated me like I treat Jesus???
Instead of a one-shot deal, this lady’s chore expanded like the Chicken-Heart-That Ate-Cleveland. It involved three personal visits from me, two from Ginny and between eight and 12 phone calls.
And each step of the way, I grew more and more resentful and frustrated and bitter until what started out as a simple act of Christian charity transmogrified into an occasion of black seething sin inside me.
At one point I vowed never to help anybody with anything ever again in my whole life! Ever!
You know, it’s relatively easy for me to think I’m a Christian when I alone with my books and my computer, when I’m thinking deep thoughts about my imaginary god and imaginary people – but let me get out in the world dealing with the Living God and real people, let my faith hit the fan, let my idealized version of Christianity inconvenience me, then I feel put upon and I grow bitter, resentful, depressed, angry… Mad at God and man.
What the hell kind of Christian am I anyhow?
Probably a typical one.
But we won’t go into that.
So dawns the season of light and joy, of Peace on earth and Good Will toward men – and here I’m peeved and ready to kick ass.
In spite of my vow to never help anyone anywhere ever again, will I eventually calm down and act like a Christian again?
Possibly.
Probably.
But today might not be the best day to ask me for a favor.
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Thanksgiving is past, the first furor of shopping is over and now, in the lull before the frenzy picks up again, is a time to enjoy a few minutes of reading something happy. Back when we were poor, I supported my writing habit by working at various odd jobs, flipping burgers, writing obits, delivering fuel oil, and digging graves at a local cemetery. Here’s a link to Gravedigger’s Christmas., a piece I wrote during that period. And yes, this really happened.
Please, visit my website for more www.cowart.info and feel free to look over and buy one of my books www.bluefishbooks.info
posted by John Cowart @ 5:58 AM
6 Comments:
John, I once caught myself saying that I was sick and tired of trying to be like Jesus. It is exhausting. Then I just get a better understanding of Christ and his example. I imagine him finishing the Sermon on the Mount and having people complain it was too long. He healed the lepers and only one of ten came back to say thank you. It must have been a complete exercise in futility at times for him but he kept doing it. For that I am thankful. As always, John, your words give me cause to reflect and evaluate my actions. Thanks alot.
John, Beautiful story. The Lord always blesses us when we respond to these kinds of things. Some of the best Christmas's I have ever had were when we were short on money and trying to figure out how to give.
We all learn from the actions of others. Your story reminds me of the story of the Widows mite. I have seen several people, who have had very little, share with others. I'm sure there was a reason you were supposed to work at the cemetary. The Lord has lessons for us all. Just think about what the little girl, who went with her father, learned about giving to others. Good lessons here.
Sorry your friend took advantage of your willingness to help. Don't give up on helping others, there is much satisfaction in that.
That was great! I love that you can be real about your walk. I face the same struggles. In fact, I find that dealing with "people" is where things get complicated. I am fine with my inspirational books and Bible, but get people in the mix and..whew! I don't know how Jesus did it. And I have to remind myself that I am what I just spoke about...I am people. And it ain't always pretty!!
John, you're actually the kind of Christian that redeems the ones in the media these days.
You're real, and I love you for it. I pray for you and Ginny every time I read your blog, and sometimes it's the only prayer I mutter.
So, thanks for opening up the lines of communication again.
I find if I am trying too hard and getting frustrated in my walk, I don't even realize it until I 'let go let God' as they say. Then things snap into place. Why did I wait so long, I wonder. In fact, I wonder that same thing--every.single.time.
btw-wonderful Christmas story. Nice and crisp, no maudlinity (neologism alert).
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