No good deed...

Ginny claims that when I go out of the house a huge neon sign floats in the air above my head flashing the word “SUCKER”.

Bums, winos and street people see this flashing sign and home in on me knowing instinctively that they’ve spotted the world’s softest touch who will swallow any sob story.

Well, I was out mowing a neighbor’s huge back yard (long story) in heat pushing 90 degrees. As I worked in the thick grass I was thinking that I’m too old and feeble to do such heavy work. I looked up from my work and there in front of me stood a stood a stranger, an elderly gentleman older and more feeble than I am. He asked me if he could mow the yard to earn a couple of dollars because he is hungry.

Now, obviously I could not turn a total stranger loose in my neighbor’s back yard so I told him that I had to finish this work myself, but that maybe I could find a bit of help for him. Since I was working in my swimsuit and tee-shirt, I had no cash on me, so I left him sitting in the shade while I walked back to our house and to get a bit of change to give him.

Had to scrounge around in pants, billfold and dresser drawer to scrape together some cash. Then I walked back to the neighbor’s and handed the old guy enough to buy a burger.

I was feeling pretty virtuous about how kind I am to God’s poor and how righteous I am to go to all this trouble to get the old man a few dollars, and how that I am a shining example of Christian charity in action.

The Good Lord in Heaven looked down on the scene and said, “John Cowart, you smug, self-righteous prick! I’m going to have to take the wind out of your sails”.

So I handed the stranger his money, graciously received his thanks, waved bye as he left, and immediately stepped back into a nest of fireants.

God’s tiny little creatures responded.

They climbed upward and began stinging at my knees and proceeded to work their way north.

It’s difficult to feel smug and self-righteous with fireants conducting war games in your pubic hair. I think I could swear that I heard tiny helicopters and music; they were playing “Flight of the Valkyries” from Apocalypse Now.

Unregenerate cynics sneer saying that no good deed goes unpunished.

Even though I’m a Christian, today I’m inclined to agree with them.