Beware The Rice!

In today’s news: Monday night at the home of John and Ginny Cowart in Jacksonville, Florida, a bowl of rice exploded causing great confusion but little damage.

Although the explosion created great panic, no one was killed or injured in the explosion.

The incident happened just after Mrs. Cowart removed a glass casserole dish from the microwave and placed it on the dinner table.

At first the bowl of rice just sat there looking white.

But as the Cowarts joined hands across the table to give thanks to God for the meal, as is their custom, the dish shattered with a loud crack spreading slivers and shards of sharp glass all over the dining room.

“Eeeek!” said Mrs. Cowart.

When the steaming rice hit Mr. Cowart’s lap, he, being a Christian gentleman of the old school, said, “Oh, my! Oh dear! This is distressing” — or words to that effect.

Mrs. Cowart told this reporter that she has used this same glass casserole dish in exactly the same way for over twenty years but that it has never exploded before.

As the Cowarts cleaned up the resulting mess, the incident remains a mystery. It is still under investigation.

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At the time of the explosion, I had cooked my Famous Sausage, Rice & Tomatos.

Here is my receipt:

Take a big cast-iron skillet and get it hot.

With a knife or your kitchen scissors cut a long hickory-smoked sausage into half-inch circles. Fry them up in a bit of olive oil.

Shake in a whole bunch of black pepper (the sausage has enough salt in it already)

When the sausage is brown, cut up a couple of onions into chunks and add to the frying sausage. Fry them till they begin to get soft. Maybe dice up some celery stalks and half a bell pepper and add those at the same time; I also like to add a can of mushrooms to the brew.

Ask your wife to microzap a big bowl of rice (Never have been able to cook rice!)

About ten minutes before you’re ready to eat, dice up two or three or four large tomatoes and dump them in the frying pan… if you don’t feel like fooling with fresh tomatoes, open a can of stewed ones and use those. A dash of hot sauce doesn’t hurt either.

Serve this over a bed of white rice.

Garnish with some green thing you can throw away like thistles or brussels sprouts or broccoli.

To add a touch of grace and elegance to your table, serve with a sparking bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, the wine of preference among Jacksonville’s elite. (Last Thursday’s vintage has a unique bouquet).

But beware of the rice.

If it explodes, go out for dinner and clean up the glass the next day.