When Faith Hits The Fan

Please Note: Over the next few days I am changing this site. The address will stay the same, but I have to transfer to a new software, new server, new format, new look, new features, etc. But it’s the same old me.

While making these changes, I plan to re-post some of my favorite entries from former days. Please bear with me as I learn how to work this new system. This post comes from page 252 in my book A Dirty Old Man Goes Bad:

— Thanks, John

When The Faith Hits The Fan

Sometimes I hate being a Christian.

Case in point – last week an elderly lady of my acquaintance phoned asking for help with a minor chore, a chore which should take me about three or four hours to do. Instead of telling her to go to Hell, I agreed to help the dear old soul.

It turned out that the simple chore consumed three whole days of my life and mind because she kept changing the perimeters of the chore so that it became more and more difficult for me to help her. She just made the thing harder and harder for me to do. Could it be that she treated me like I treat Jesus???

Instead of a one-shot deal, this lady’s chore expanded like the Chicken-Heart-That-Ate-Cleveland. It involved three personal visits from me, two from Ginny, and between eight and 12 phone calls.

And each step of the way, I grew more and more resentful and frustrated and bitter until what started out as a simple act of Christian charity transmogrified into an occasion of black seething sin inside me. At one point I vowed never to help anybody with anything ever again in my whole life! Ever!

You know, it’s relatively easy for me to think I’m a Christian when I alone with my books and my computer, when I’m thinking deep thoughts about my imaginary god and imaginary people — but let me get out in the world dealing with the Living God and real people, let my faith hit the fan, let my idealized version of Christianity inconvenience me, then I feel put upon and I grow bitter, resentful, depressed, angry… Mad at God and man.

What the hell kind of Christian am I anyhow?

Probably a typical one.

But we won’t go into that.

So dawns the season of light and joy, of Peace on earth and Good Will toward men – and here I’m peeved and ready to kick ass.

In spite of my vow to never help anyone anywhere ever again, will I eventually calm down and act like a Christian again?

Possibly.

Probably.

But today might not be the best day to ask me for a favor.