Two More From The Past:

Please Note: Over the next few days I am changing this site. The address will stay the same, but I have to transfer to a new software, new server, new format, new look, new features, etc. But it’s the same old me.

While making these changes, (Hope, D.V., To Be Done About March 1^st) I plan to re-post some of my favorite entries from former days. Please bear with me as I learn how to work this new system. This post comes from page 182-187 in my book A Dirty Old Man Goes Bad:

— Thanks, John

A Little Tin Box

One morning last week I made myself a couple of new matchboxes.

As a pipe smoker I prefer wooden strike-anywhere matches. Pipe smoking carries an entire ritual of behavior patterns that add to the satisfaction, and for me decorating match boxes is part of that ritual.

In recent years I have used the tin boxes that package Altoids peppermints. Friends and family save the tin boxes for me and every month or so, I fix a set of them up for my matches.

Usually I fix a batch of five matchboxes at a time: for the car, for my pocket, for my desk, for beside my reading lamp, and for the tv room.

Here’s how I do it:

First clean the box with a damp napkin then glue a striking surface to the bottom. For strikers I use either a scrap of sandpaper or the rough strip from the sides of a cardboard match package.

I trace the curved shape of the Altoids lid on a sheet of clear stiff plastic and use that as a template for my design. I place that clear template over a picture that suggests my mood at the moment and trace around it. Then I cut the picture out with scissors and glue it to the cover of the tin box

I keep a file folder of magazine clippings (National Geographic is a great source) of photos which appeal to me for box covers. I choose matchbox cover pictures to fit my mood, or relate to some writing project I’m working on, or touch on some holiday or event important to me. Usually I glue a photo of a bikini girl who strikes my fancy inside the box.

This photo shows some of the matchboxes I’ve used while working on the Glog manuscript.

I suppose there are better ways to spend my time than pasting pictures on little tin boxes, but it keeps me off the street.

One Downer Of A Posting:

Depression is such an Everest of a feeling that it overwhelms.

I’ve avoided writing in my journal or my blog the past couple of days. I’ve felt that nobody wants to hear me whine. I think readers have enough downers in their own lives that normally I want my writing to give a lift. So I try to enter bright sunny postings reflecting the joys of Christian life.

That’s dishonest.

Yes, I am a Christian.

Yes, I am a happy man.

But there is a flip side to my life also.

And recently I’ve been pissing against a spiritual wind.

But that’s shameful and I don’t want readers to know about that side of me. I have a reputation to maintain. I don’t want to give folks another reason to reject Christ; I don’t want to bring reproach on His name. I want readers to think I’m a nice guy.

So, I lie.

I pretend to be happier, cooler, more spiritually in touch than I really am.

Well, this past week my faith has hit the fan.

Over the years I have written scads of biographical profiles of successful businessmen for Chamber of Commerce type magazines. I’ve also written a number of biographical sketches of outstanding Christians. And one thing always bothers me in collecting materials for such articles: biographers tend to tell only the good stuff about their subjects.

That bugs me and leaves me hopeless.

I mean if I’m reading a life of some spiritual giant hoping to find some inspiration and meaning in my own life, but all I read about are his successes, then what is there that I can relate to as I stumble through life without a clue?

Don’t these Real Christians ever have an off day? Aren’t they ever tempted to say, “To Hell with it.” Don’t they ever just give up and lay in the dust for a while before climbing to their feet and trudging on?

Maybe I’m just a hypocrite.

Maybe I’m not “Filled With The Spirit.”

Maybe I’m not a true, dedicated believer.

But I’m here.

I put a certain premium on honesty. I’ve resolved to be honest in my journal entries and record what’s there, not just what ought to be there. And I try to do that in this blog. The subtitle of this blog is “a befuddled Christian looks for spiritual realities in day to day living.”

Sometimes that spiritual reality is ‘Being A Christian Sucks.”

Am I still a Christian? Yes. As Peter said, “To whom should we go, Lord? You alone have the words of eternal life.”

Am I a hypocrite? Yes. I do want to put my best foot forward. Once I even wrote a newspaper article on hypocrisy (Right-hand column, www.cowart.info ).

Anyhow even though today’s posting is a downer, it’s what I have to say.

That’s what you get here: one miserable bastard — and Jesus.

I hope someday some guy who’s down will read the stuff I write and say to himself, “You know, if a stupid looser like John Cowart can try to walk with God, maybe there’s hope for me too.”