John Cowart: Human Monorail

First, before anything else I wish to declare categorically that I am NOT the father of Anna Nicole’s baby!

Honest, we didn’t even shake hands.

However, my D.N.A. is as good as those other guys’ so I deserve the money as much as they do. You know, of course that the initials D.N.A. stand for Dumb Nonsense Assertion — and I can assert as well as the other contenders for the lady’s millions. But I’m more generous than they are, they can keep the baby to raise; I just want the cash.

Enough of that.

Well, I promised I’d resume blogging today, so I’m back…. Sort of.

With all the doctors’ appointments the past few weeks, my work went off the track. And since I only have one track to work with, I stopped blogging to catch up on publishing deadlines.

I mean I really focused on this stuff.

Here’s a sample of the sort of material I’m working with (you can click to enlarge, but it really doesn't help much) so you can see why I need to focus:

You see why I’m anxious to finish this work before the next Harry Potter book comes out. I foresee throngs of people sleeping on the pavement outside book stores overnight so they can buy copies of my book first thing once it becomes available. I see them fighting and shoving, elbowing their way to the front of the line, trampling the weak underfoot…

Well, maybe not.

But come that great and terrible Day of The Lord, it may prove wise for us to have read something of a spiritual nature such as a Puritan diary. I recommend the Diary Of David Brainerd, edited by Jonathan Edwards.

Brainerd (1718-1747)was a missionary to the American Indians of the 18^th Century; he endured incredible hardship to show the love of Christ to the Indians and died of tuberculosis at the age of twenty-nine. His life verse was John 7:37 “In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink”.

Brainerd's diary is the one that turned me on to early puritan writings, especially their diaries.

While the writings of the early Puritans involve intense introspection, they also reveal a vision of the love, majesty, beauty and holiness of God. Such a vision often enraptured the writers giving them a sweet spirit.

No, I’m not a puritan or even anything close but reading such stuff really inspires me.

But, there’s a problem:

Since I’m not only mono-minded but slow on my single track, there have been times when it’s taken me as much as six hours to write a single blog entry.

Something has to give.

The 16^th Century Puritan, Richard Rogers, whose diary I’m formatted, was once asked why he lead such a focused, precise life. “Because I serve a precise God,” he said.

I think it important to convey his ideas and devotion as well as I’m able, and that requires my full attention.

Bottom line:

I need more time to work. I plan to avoid blogging for another week to continue playing catch up with the Rogers diary.

Now don’t be alarmed.

If you can’t live without a Rabid Fun Blog fix, you can always browse in my archives… or even better than that, you can go to my On Line Book Catalogue and buy a copy of A Dirty Old Man Goes Bad. That’s my 2005 journal in chronological format suitable for reading in bed, bus or bathroom.

That book is being considered for the 2007 Blooker Prize. Judges will announce the finalists next month. Among many fine contenders for the prize, it's my D.N.A. that my book ought to win.

Oh, someone e-mailed me about Valentine’s Day — Ginny and I pay no attention; we feel it is an artificial holiday promoted by commercial merchants. We love eachother as much two weeks ago as we did yesterday.

We don’t eat black-eyed peas and gopher meat on Groundhog Day either.

Back to thoughts on blogging: Maybe I should keep up with my family’s blogs better. Although my daughter Eve and I had lunch together the other day and breakfast with the family Sunday, I did not know she was planning to get married till I read about it on her blog.

Dad is the last to know.

Speaking of breakfast: something I found appalling happened while Ginny and I ate breakfast one day she was off:

Two businessmen occupied the next booth. As they ate, they wheeled and dealed and fielded many cell phone calls.

Come time to go, the two men performed the usual ritual dance over who would pay the check. They eventually agreed that one would pay for breakfast, the other would leave a tip for the waitress.

Guy One paid the tab. With a flourish and great show, Guy Two placed two five dollar bills under the salt shaker so his buddy could not fail to notice.

They shook hands.

Guy One left the restaurant.

Guy Two picked up the two five dollar bills and put them back in his wallet.

He put two single dollar bills on the table for the waitress.

Sorry, no-account bastard.

Yes, I’m being judgmental.

Maybe I’ve been reading too much of that Puritan stuff — or not enough of it.

Anyhow, God willing I can catch up one my work and come back to blogging by the middle of next week….

If I get sidetracked, I’ll let you know.