A Romantic Weekend Torpedoed

Even after 40+ years of marriage I can still make Ginny squeal.

Unfortunately, when I kiss her nowadays the way I do that is by cupping my palms over her ears so the feedback shriek of her hearing aids makes her…

Well, you get the idea.

However, in my own mind, I’m still one of the World’s Greatest Lovers.

For instance, in a conversation over coffee a couple of weeks ago, I asked Ginny to tell me about some times in her life when she has felt happiest (that’s a good question to ask). She listed six or eight things in her life which brought her particular joy.

Oddly enough, only one or two involved me in any way; but I latched onto one thing she said and I thought, Hey! I can re-create that.

So I began secretly plotting to take her for a romantic getaway weekend next Friday. I wanted this to come as a surprise to her, so I hid my planning under various subterfuges. On the target Friday I intended to pretend to drive her to work, but instead I’d sweep her off to a luxury resort for a long weekend of lust, love and joy.

I intended to call her boss and set up days off for Ginny without her knowing about it beforehand. And to make arrangements with a pet lover to watch Fancy while we were away. And to have our mail picked up.

I checked to see our prescriptions were up to date. I compared resort prices on line to make advanced reservations…

The package I intended included a dozen roses for her, champaign, king-sized bed, adult videos available, a box of chocolates, a moonlight carriage ride, a balcony overlooking the water, breakfast in bed, candle light dinners…

I envisioned the kind of resort hotel James Bond would check into—if 007 were on our budget.

I intended to secretly pack Ginny’s suitcase with lacy, frilly negligees, and to pack her comfortable walking shoes for strolling through the historic district.

For weeks I have plotted and planed and schemed to bring about all my intentions.

Well, Hell’s paved…

Yesterday the wheels came off.

Snag after snag turned up suddenly. Obstacle after obstacle arose. I could not figure anyway to overcome scheduling conflicts, reservation cancellations, work duties, finances, bridge closings, construction, and a host of other problems. The whole world conspired to keep me from our romantic weekend!

Discouraged, I broke down and told Ginny about my intentions so she could set her sharp mind to solving the problems involved. Heads together we huddled over the computer trying this ploy and that.

We grew frustrated and finally gave up.

We just can’t make it happen.

Not next weekend, but in November, God willing, we’ll have our romantic weekend—at a cabin in the woods; our reservations are already confirmed. It won’t come as a surprise to Ginny, but between now and then we’ll have the joy of anticipating.

I’ll wait.

As the Scripture says, “The best plans of mice and men to get laid often go astray”.

Actually, that quote is not really in the pages of Scripture—but it would be if I wrote the Bible!