On Reestablishing Trust

“When you are young, you make your reputation; as you age, your reputation makes you”.

I forget who said that, but those words stuck with me yesterday as I had a three-hour long talk with my youngest daughter about drugs.

She assured me that she has done no drugs of any kind since our family helped her move back to Jacksonville.

I’m inclined to believe her. But then, I always have been. As the Scripture says, “Love beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Love never faileth…”

Or, I may be a sucker when it comes to my children. I’ve tried to live an honest life before them and I’m inclined to assume honesty on their parts whenever they tell me anything.

She assures me that the ampoules her sisters found when they were cleaning her house Sunday when they went over to care for her during her sickness with those parasitic worms were old ones she’d found stuffed between sofa cushions as she unpacked from the move. She said that she’d put them on the kitchen counter to be thrown out in the trash, that she’d not bought any drug of any kind since before Christmas. She said that her physical symptoms we’ve remarked on are the result of the parasitic worm infection, not drug use. She said that as she’s been applying for different jobs that she’s always passed any test for drug use.

She feels hurt that the rest of us have suspected her.

But, all we really have to go on is history. When you’re young, you make your reputation, as you age, your reputation makes you. Once trust has been undermined, it takes a long time to reestablish it.

Forty years ago, I broke trust with my two older sons. They still regard me with distrust. Rightly so. They act guarded around me when I see them because they do not trust me not to hurt them again.

I can move on from the situation, but then, I’m not the one who was hurt.

I’m the one who did the hurting and I seriously doubt if I will ever live that down.

Who knows what fine things Benedict Arnold did in later life?

Perhaps the only way to amend things we have done in the past is to live a transparent life in the present, to accept the scrutiny of those around us knowing that we are suspect.

I imagine that one reason Christ converts wicked people is to demonstrate before men and angels and skeptical families that He is Lord, that He can save to the uttermost, that no case is hopeless in His hands.

And, if the world see us stumble and fall, what of it?

“The steps of a good person ARE ordered by the Lord, and if he stumble and fall, it is not fatal for the Lord shall lift him up”.

I urged my daughter to be absolutely honest with me in all things as I am with her. Her whole family has proved how willing we all are to help and we all want to be sure we are giving her real help, not contributing to her past addiction.

Because we love her, we are inclined to believe in her.

Then, having given my DAD LECTURE # 834, I displayed a measure of trust in that I let her take off a manuscript copy, the only manuscript copy, of some documents which are extremely important to me.

Then I said it was a shame she was sick last weekend because I’d wanted to take her fishing.

“Fishing?” she questioned. “Why would you want to take me fishing when I was so sick”.

“Well,” I explained, “I could supply the rod and reel, and you could have supplied the worms”.