Biopsy Fun

This morning I am happy to report that the physician, his assistant, and both nurses successfully survived my prostate biopsy procedure. They all are resting comfortably and are expected to fully recover.

I, on the other hand, feel a bit woozy and wobbly.

For one thing my ankle hurts.

Apparently when they tried to turn me over, before they had actually done anything at all to start the procedure, I kicked the edge of the table and whacked my ankle.

Have I mentioned that I don’t like to be touched?

I have no idea why I harbor such an aversion to being touched. Ginny speculates that something traumatic must have happened in my childhood but, if so, I have no memory of it.

The doctor gave me four or five shots to relax the general area of interest; but when he started to touch me, I cringed so violently that cramps knotted my shoulders, calves and thighs.

I’m just not a touchy, feely kind of guy.

The medical team backed off and gave me a hefty shot of Dontgiveadamnatole and waited for it to kick in.

I lay there butt naked talking with a young woman from Ohio about northern snow storms for a while.

Then, even though I still gave a damn, my doctor inserted a tv camera (complete with sound boom and dolly) into me and watched the film on his monitor (When my segment runs on American Idol, please vote for me).

He decided to remove some suspect tissue using a spring-loaded device which any scuba diver after grouper would tell you is called a speargun.

This spring-loaded harpoon makes a pinging sound which I found of great interest.

Ping.

Ping. Ping.

Ping. Ping. Ping.

Then a nice young lady helped me find my underwear and get dressed.

I thanked the doctor and nurses for their care for me and I apologized for being such a crybaby wimp. They will tell me the results of the biopsy in a few days.

Then Ginny drove me home and fed me strawberry ice cream and let me crash.

It was not nearly as bad as I expected.

I did learn a few spiritual lessons from this experience — the main one being that Jesus never cured anybody of old age.

He is Lord even in my discomfort and pain.

God willing, I’ll post my thoughts about some of the other lessons tomorrow.

Right now, I just want to go back to sleep…

On my side.