In Costume

Now I know why hardly any of my books sell.

I don’t have an apple costume.

Last night as Ginny and I made our weekly book run, some event was going on around the library. Hoards of people surrounded the place and the overflow encamped in Hemming Park. I never found out what the event was, but I noticed a number of people in costumes. A bunch of Star Wars troopers lounged by the bike rack. I saw an Indian chief, a chef, and a Victoria’s Secret Angel (or maybe that’s just what she normally wears to the office).

Once we forged through the crowd and got into the library, I noticed a number of tables set up in the lobby where local authors were signing their books. Outstanding among them was a gentleman in an apple costume (a real apple, not a computer system).

I asked permission to snap his photo with my little keychain camera; sorry about the blur but my hands shake too much to hold the thing steady. (You don’t want to watch me eat soup. Honest, you don’t).

This intrepid bookseller was promoting Lois Simon’s book Mac: Story of A Happy Apple (Vantage Press, © 2008). I asked his name but he said, “I’m only a prop. She wrote the book”. And he introduced me to Ms Simon who wrote and illustrated this story which she said is for kids from 3 to 103.

While I enjoyed talking with Ms Simon and the Apple Man, Ginny sat in the park across the street drinking a soda she bought from one of the street vendors.

Ms Simon is an accomplished artist whose paintings can be viewed at http://www.stellersgallery.com/Artists/ArtistPortfolioO.asp?artistID=38&O=1&R=0 When I checked out the website, I noticed that one of her paintings is called Leading The Way…

Ok, now I’m moving to a completely unrelated subject… or am I?

For years now I’ve been working on a book about divine guidance. Spent ten hours on it today. So far I have over 500 pages expounding about three words in the Shepherd Psalm, Psalm 23.

The three words—He leadeth me.

Naturally my title is If God Leads Me, Why Do I Run In Circles?

The book examines examples of how God leads people in the pages of the Holy Bible—those are solid examples of divine guidance.

It also examines examples of how God has lead notable people of the past such as Salvation Army founder William Booth whom I mentioned in yesterday’s posting. I am less positive about attributing divine guidance to such people. Yes, by their fruits shall ye know them, but does achieving success in some particular field necessarily mean a person was guided by God? After all, Attila was an eminently successful Hun.

Then the book also examines examples pulled from my own diaries for the past 30+ years. These examples shake and wobble worse than my hands! I really hesitate to ever pontificate saying, “God Led Me To…”. I feel more comfortable saying, “It seemed like a good idea at the time”.

For instance…

Back in the early 1970s I took a class in public speaking with a bunch of preachers. For one exercise, the teacher split us into small groups to teach a practice lesson to each other. Now I was fresh from a job as a long distance truck driver; I’d go for days on end alone without saying a word more than “Fill ‘er up” or “Eggs over easy”. And here these preachers orated all week long.

I worried that I’d make an ass of myself when I…

Ding!

A mental bell rang. The little light bulb flashed above my brain.

“Make an ass of myself… Make an ass…Isn’t there a Bible story about an ass that talked? Yes, Balaam’s donkey in Numbers 22 where as St. Peter said, “Balaam the son of Bosor, loved the wages of unrighteousness; But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man's voice forbad the madness of the prophet”.

So, I constructed a big donkey head mask with long ears and when it came my turn to speak to the preachers, I put it on and told the whole story of Balaam from the viewpoint of the donkey!

Those preachers got the lowdown straight from the ass’s mouth.

It was a hoot!

Afterwards, Dr. Keith Johnson, director of Teens For Christ, came up to me saying, “My kids could use something like what you just did”. He invited me to teach some Bible lessons to his “Kids”.

TFC was a residential refuge at the beach for runaways, addicts, drunks, destitute people, the abused, the homeless, and disenfranchised. These “kids” ranged in age from young kids to guys in their 70s. Their common denominator was that none of them had any interest in religion whatsoever.

To tell them about the forgiveness of sin and Christ’s death on the cross, His return from the grave, and His love for them, I manufactured a lot of gimmicks to gain their interest and to make Bible lessons palatable for them.

From the one idea about wearing the donkey mask, I ended up teaching every week for about four years till the place went belly up.

One worm in my apple:

I think my long tenure as an unpaid Bible teacher had little to do with God’s leading and a great deal to do with my love of being center stage in the spot light. I wanted everybody to see how clever I am. I made the gimmicks more to display my talent than to glorify God.

Jesus warned about the perfidy of guys like me—“All their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments, And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues, And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi”.

In the light of that Scripture, can I claim that God lead me to make that donkey mask in the first place?

No.

It just seemed like a good idea at the time.